Mr. Van Houten:
I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. I think we’d make a good team. I don’t want to ask you for any favors but if you have the time—from what I saw you have plenty— Please fix this for me. It’s a eulogy for Hazel…. she asked me to write it and I’m trying, it just could use a little flare.
See the thing is we all want to be remembered but Haze’s different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn’t want a million admirers she just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely but she was loved deeply, and isn’t that more than what most of us get? When Hazel was sick I knew I was dying but I didn’t want to say so. She was in the ICU and I snuck in for ten mins and sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands. Still warm, and her nails were painted this dark blue black color, I just held them. I willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be.
She’s so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you because you know she is. She’s funny without ever being mean. I love her, God I love her. I’m so lucky to love he, Van Houten.
You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you have a say in who hurts you. I like my choice and I hope she likes hers. Okay Hazel Grace?